Back To Normal Or Something Like It

Friday morning I arrived safely back into Dubai. The 13 hour flight was nice, despite serving as a pillow for the Indian woman seated next to me for a large majority of the trip. I didn’t sleep much, but I did keep myself entertained by watching Toy Story 1 and 2 (because obviously that what’s you do when you’re all grown up and travel by yourself) and used the onboard telephone to text my dad and Stacy. I even felt proud of myself, as I was able to navigate my way through the airport all alone, and instructed the cabby which streets to turn onto for the fastest route to my apartment. In felt nice to be back.

Sunday morning I arrived at the training college to join a new group for the last week and a half of training. I had mentally prepared to be surrounded by a whole new group of people who didn’t know me, didn’t know my story, and that I would be completely fine. I walked into the class, and immediately found out that I had joined a group that was finishing their last two days of training. I assumed I would need to repeat the entire week and a half, so this through me for a loop. Normally, I would have taken this slight change of plans in stride and rolled with the punches. However, normal just went flying out the window two weeks ago, so instead I started hysterically sobbing in front of the entire class. Thankfully, the Emirates’ staff was exceptionally kind. The trainers quickly ushered me out of class, and had me meet with an induction specialist who had a background in counseling. The induction specialist then arranged for me to be put in with a class who was just starting the service section, and for the past two days I have been doing well in my new group.

Every situation I now enter feels completely different than ever before. Thankfully, this whole grief process is very new to me. I have lost three of my grandparents, who I loved dearly, but they were all in their 70’s and had led full lives. With my mom, it’s different. I feel like we were all watching a great romantic comedy, her favorite kind of movie. We had already watched the important parts of the film, the climax of the story line had already occurred, but we of course wanted to watch the last 20 minutes of the film, just to see how all the loose ends played out. Except, I feel like right as the last 20 minutes of the film were approaching the DVD stopped spinning, the screen went black, and BAM no more movie! I wanted to see the last 20 minutes!!!!

I’ve heard grief comes and goes in waves, and so far that seems to be very true. I have moments where I am doing fine, and even give myself little pep talks, “Wow, self, look at you! You’re handling this beautifully!”

Then, within an hour I’m a complete mess and doing everything within my power to refrain from hitting purchase on the one way ticket to Saint Louis I have pulled up on my laptop. Once again, my friends here in Dubai have been incredible supportive, and I have not spent a night alone yet. Nothing Earth shaking exciting this week (i.e. no camel riding), but it’s just been nice to go out to dinner, go to the beach, or as was the case last night, lay on a friend’s couch in my sweats and just have them listen as I blew snot out my nose.

As my mom reminded me in her last letter to me, God communicates to us all the time, it’s just a matter of us being observant. I continue to see signs even in Dubai. After writing my last post, the key theme of my mom and I always being connected has really stayed with me.

I have never been much of a saver, but my one exception has always been personal letters. During my time at home last week, I went through my box of old letters, and without reading them, I pulled out all the notes I could find with mom’s handwriting on them, and packed them into my suitcase so that I could read them once I was back in Dubai. I have been bringing those letters out to read over the past couple nights, and have once again been reminded of what a truly awesome mom I have! Here are a couple that were too cool not to share.


Written to me in 1997 while I was attending my very first Girl Scout Summer Camp.


A note mom had left me when I was little, and they had gone away for a weekend seedcorn meeting.

Endless Love

Energy, it’s something my mom spoke of often. It wasn’t some new age religion she was following. It was just her belief that the entire universe was vibrantly connected. We would laugh at the many, many times one of us would answer the telephone on the first ring, as the other was just getting ready to call as well. Mom and I often spoke about how the deep bond of love knows no end. It does not stop at state lines, international borders, and it most certainly does not stop at death.

During the evening of February 29th (Dubai time), I was engaged in a team building activity that involved myself and each of my flight school classmates to individually enter a room, look at a shape, and then report back to the group who was trying to recreate the object in a separate classroom. The goal of the activity was to think about the distractions we will face on the aircraft. When it was my turn to enter the room solo to examine the object, the trainer, representing the passengers, began to bombard me with questions. “What country are you from? What’s color is your house? What’s your mom’s name? Huh, huh, huh?”

In my typical twisted sense of humor, I decided to pacify my trainer with a bizarre comment, “My mom passed away.”

Immediately she apologized, and I began to laugh as I told her that I was only kidding. She, of course, was appalled and asked what my mother would say had she heard me. I informed her that my mother was well aware of my corky antics and would most likely giggle, slap my arm, and yell, “Kelsey Ellen!”

Following that day of training I went home, went to bed, and woke up the next morning at 8 A.M. to urgent text messages asking me to please call home. The phone connection with my sister in law was poor, and I could only make out that she was frantically screaming my name. The line went silent and we lost the call. My mind raced as I waited for what felt like an eternity for her to reach me again via Skype. Finally, we were reconnected, and I begged for her to tell me what was wrong. You never practice what you’ll do when you receive this news. Maybe I was naïve, or just plain simple, but I had never even fathomed hearing these words. Either way, I will never, ever forget what she told me, “Sweetie, your mom died.”

Just like that, my life had forever changed. Right away I recanted the story of what I had said the night before. Not that the thought didn’t cross my mind, but I knew that my comment did not cause her death. I immediately thought of that deep connection we shared, not only the one I share with my mother, but more importantly with God, the puppeteer himself.

As I sat in my apartment, with amazing friends by my side, awaiting my flight home, I grasped onto anything that held a piece of my mom. I read the beautiful goodbye note she had tucked into my bag just six short weeks ago and realized now how perfectly it doubled for a goodbye letter for life. The letter instructed me to always pray, and to know that God will communicate with me personally and through other people. She asked that I be observant of this always.

I then removed the lyrics to the old hymn she had copied and included in my letter, and wept as I read the line she had specifically underlined, “God be with you till we meet again. When life’s perils thick confine you, wrap his arms unfailing round you. God be with you till we meet again.” Wow!

I combed through old facebook posts and focused in specifically on a comment she had left just days before. One of my best friends’ mom, Jackie (whom my mom adored) wrote to tell me she had fallen behind on reading my blog. My mom quickly replied, “What kind of a substitute mom are you? You could have yours license revoked!”

Substitute mom, never had mother used that term. However, had she known she was getting ready to leave this Earth, I’m quite certain she would have been pleased to select Jackie for this honorary position.

I also checked my email where I reread the words my mom had written to me during the start of her very last day on Earth. In closing she wrote, “Wednesday will be hard…Lenten Breakfast and Kidz Klub. It will all be fine!”

It will all be fine, again, uncommon verbiage for my mother, but such true words for the journey my family is now embarking on.

I somehow made it through the next 24 hours, with the love, kindness, and support of my Emirates’ family and all the prayers I was receiving from back home. As difficult as I had anticipated it being walking into the house, her house, without her, I was actually greeted with an incredible feeling of peace. Without seeing or hearing her, I could definitely feel her presence. It was somewhere in between being the strangest feeling in the world, and completely comfortable. My sweet niece, Bridget, informed me that she is just pretending Uncle Brock ate all the food in the house, and that Ma had to go grocery shopping for a long time. Slightly delusional? Perhaps. Am I adopting her logic? Maybe.

Saying my mom was slightly organized would be like saying the pope is slightly catholic. The woman had always told us that she had her funeral planned, and she was not joking. Located inside a folder titled, The Notebook, she instructed us on what songs were to be played, what readings were to be read, and most importantly how to dispose of her body (cremated and put in biodegradable egg cartons because it is good for the environment and she’ll finally be able to fit into something small). She signed the directives, which she updated yearly on her birthday, by writing, “I’ve had a great life, love you all bunches, see ya later!”

We carried out mom’s wishes to the very best of our abilities. She had said for years that when she dies, she wants a huge party. We gave her a beautiful service, complete with personal stories that provided the perfect balance of laughter and tears. And judging by the 40 plus people we had at our house every night of the weekend following her death, we had one hell of a party!

Fast forward to this morning, I woke up in my beautiful blue bedroom that my mom and I had painted together, and automatically my eyes filled with tears, as I knew today was the day Dad and I would make that trip to the airport that has become so familiar to us, but this time with mom’s absence blaring. And as the tears rolled onto my pillow, I noticed a small slit of sun shining on my wall. I put on my glasses and in clear view, I could see the sun light was shining directly over the picture of my parents and I in my photo collage. And I smiled; knowing that she was gently reminding me her presence would always be more noticeable than her absence.

It’s been two weeks since she served Lenten breakfast at our church, attended Bible study, delivered groceries to a needy family in town, led Kids Klub, brought her granddaughters home, was helping them with their baths, said she wasn’t feeling well, laid her head down on the side of the tub, and went to Heaven, and I miss her. I miss her so much that it physically pains me. But that’s the thing with what my mom and I have. We have this energy between us, a love that has no end. And although I’ll miss feeling her big physical hug, hearing her say “I love you, little one,” and watching her clap her hands together and throw her head back the way she did when she giggled everyday for the rest of my life, I know that she’ll always be with me. She’ll be with me forever!

“Whenever they's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Whenever they's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there . . . . I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad an'-I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when our folks eat the stuff they raise an' live in the houses they build-why, I'll be there.”

This was one of my mom’s favorite quotes from the book Grapes of Wrath. She had it written down in The Notebook as something she would like to have shared when she passes.

My Kind Of Weekend

My weekend has officially come and gone, but what a great one it was! It was the perfect balance of fun, sun, exercise, food, friends, adventure, sleep...and a wee bit of wine :)

I'm now on service training, which takes place in the evening, so Thursday night was spent in training college until nearly midnight. Friday was beautiful in Dubai, and I took full advantage of the 80 degree weather and caught some rays on top of our building with a group of girlfriends. I'm trying to start incorporating the whole running thing back into my life, so I spent a little time Friday on the good ol treadmill. That evening a group of about ten girls all went out for dinner and drinks at this super cute restauraunt right on the water. Watching the sunset above the water and yachts was absolutely gorgeous!

This afternoon my two friends Charlotte (English) and Charlene (Irish) and I went on our very first desert safari! We really weren't too sure what to expect, but saw the deal on Groupon, and decided that dune bashing, camel rides, and a traditional Arabic barbecue for only 200 durams ( about 55 US dollars) was a fairly good deal. An adventure guide picked us three up from our apartment in a land rover equipped with roll bars on the outside and extra safety handles on the inside. A middle aged couple who were vacationing from India were also inside the suv with us girls. We drove about twenty minutes outside the city into the legit, I cannot see any signs of life, desert before we came to a randomly placed, hole in the wall convienince store where we were instructed to use the bathroom before we began our adventure. Following this, the six of us loaded back up into the land rover and we drove about five minutes further before the driver pulled off the road and right onto the sand. He was a man of very few words, so he turned around and very matter of factly told us to remain seat belted at all times, and that if we puke we pay a 300 Durham fine. With that, he turned back around, shifted into drive, and hit the pettle! I've experienced some adrinaline rushes in my life, but NEVER have I ever experienced anythig like this. It was non stop craziness for a solid 20 minutes. It was full speed up sand dunes, down the other side, donuts on the side of mounds, and slamming down incredibly hard after flying off of peaks. I cannot even begin to come up with ways to describe this insanity. With that being said, I loved it! At one point my body, as well as all of my belongings, were being tossed around so much that we resembled little shirts in the dryer, my Capri sun being one of those items. At the time I was honestly not sure if the violent tossing had caused my juice box to spill on me, or if I had just wet myself. Jury is still out on that one!

After that little joyride we were brought to the campsite with about 100 other tourist. One of the main things I was excited about doing at the campsite was riding the camels, which I did do as soon as we arrived. I reverted back into a 6 year as I literally ran to get in line for a ride. I do like animals, but I've never been a huge huge animal lover, so I have no idea where my camel fascination came from, but I was seriously dying to ride these beasts. It just felt so Sex and The City II ish!

After my camel ride, us girls went inside the dinner area were they had lots of touristy activities (henna paintings, Arabic costumes, tea tasting) in which I fully partook in!

Just as the sun was setting over the sand dunes, the meal portion of the evening began. We started out with appitizers consisting of small pitas stuffed with chicken and vegetables. After our appetizers, there were a few different entertainers who came out and performed traditional dances, very talented. We were then invited to eat the main dinner that was served buffet style. The meat was definitely the best part, as they had been grilling chicken and beef kabobs on these massive grills for the past hour and they smelled heavenly. Other then the meat we were served hummus, rice, potato soup, and various fresh vegetables. By the time we finished it was completely dark out. And I do mean completely dark. The desert at night is not a place I enjoy too much! It got very cold and windy. As I type I'm still crunching on sand in my mouth...yummy!!!

So that pretty much was my weekend in a nut shell. Can't say I've ever really had one like it :)

Side note, my computer is on the fritz. That does mean I just wrote this entire post with my iPhone...impressed?

The Most Shallow Day Of My Life

So as my title states, today was in fact the most shallow day of my life, in Emirates language it was Image and Uniform Day. In all reality the day was pretty fun, and a welcomed break from SEP and medical training. It's just that I think I've spent more time today thinking about my hair, makeup, and nails than I cumulatively have throughout the course of my whole entire life!

Last Thursday we received our luggage, shoes, and most importantly, our uniforms! Today marked the first day we actually wore them. I must admit, it was pretty awesome putting on the emirates outfit this morning. Probably would have been a lot cooler had it not been 5 A.M. My class arrived at training college bright and early, and were greeted by two grooming specialists, who of course encompassed the Emirates look to a T. The room was surrounded by mirrors, bright lighting, huge bottles of hair spray, and a display of Clairens makeup large enough to make me question whether I was at training college or Macy's cosmetic department. During the morning session we discussed skin care methods, appropriate jewelry, and various Emirates' approved hairstyles. After the sessions, we were instructed to touch up our hair and makeup, and then line up for our image checks, dun dun dooon! So after nervously waiting in line, I stood before the perfectly groomed trainers as they carefully examined me. After doing several twirls, removing my jacket, and closing both eyelids for a closer look at my makeup, it was determined that my skirt is about a half inch too short and must be himmed to meet company standards, my makeup was perfect (thank you, thank you), and that my dark roots needed to be "delt with." These finding were all noted in my company file, and away I was sent for lunch. During the afternoon we discussed nail care, and then spent an hour polishing, buffing, and painting our nails. Then, following a talk on physical health and fitness (aka please don't get fat), our session ended.

So I figured while I had time, and since I was already on a vanity role, I'd go deal with my roots. So thankfully after today my nails are bright red, and my the top of my hair is a shade blonder.

In other news, I'm really hoping the good Lord above decide to take me home today because I'm pretty sure if I had to stand in front of Him and answer when He asks, "So, Kelsey, what did you do to better the Earth on your last day?" I would not be able to come up with one flipping thing. I feel pretty, oh so pretty....

Happy Valentine's Day

As you may have read on facebook, yesterday (or today, depending upon which time zone you're in) was Valentine's Day. Although I don't exactly have a significant other sending me chocolates and flowers, I try not to get too caught up in the whole cliché "I'm single, I hate Valentine's Day," bandwagon. I even busted out my red- heart underwear for the occasion!

This week's training has been focused on medical issues onboard. Luckily, I've been a lifeguard since I was 16 and already have a lot of basic knowledge on how to handle heart attacks and chocking, perform CPR, cool burns, apply direct pressure to cuts, etc. Interesting side note, although different countries use variations of CPR techniques, Emirates uses the American Heart Association's method because globally the US has the highest rates of heart attacks, therefore has done the most research (thanks McDonalds).

Yesterday's topic, which just so happened to coincide with Valentine's Day, was childbirth. Yes, this did involve watching an actual real life birthing video. It actually made me very grateful to be flying solo on Valentine's Day, and any other day for that matter. The way I see it, if that's what "love" leads to, then leave me the freak out! Clearly this video left an impression on me, and I'm still disturbed. Prior to watching this featured presentation, we all got the chance to deliver the baby via the prego mannequin, complete with umbilical cord and placenta! One word: SICK!

Week in Review

1-I passed my Safety and Emergency Procedures (SEP) section of training!

2-I celebrated passing my SEP...a lot! Fun weekend for sure! Thursday night I went out with a group of girls to a fun night club called The Lounge. Friday I went to an all inclusive brunch that lasted untill about 7:00 p.m. Saturday was my recovery day, which involved a lovely dinner out to a local restuarant called Coco's with my friend Charlene.

3-I've deveoped an intense addiction to Nutella since I've been over here. I could eat in it in a car, in a house, with a fox, or with a mouse!

4- I was literally heart broken when I woke up to find out Whitney Houston died this morning. That woman has seen me through many a break ups! I got dressed this morning listening to Step By Step, It's Not Right But It's Ok, and, obviously, I Will Always Love You.

5-This morning I had to get Vaccinations for both Typhoid and Hepatitis A. My arms are sore and my neck is stiff, and I'm feeling slightly flu like ish!

6-I'm not a big TV watcher, however, I have missed having at least a little mindless entertainment in my life. Thankfully, a girl who lives in my building has loaned me ALL The Office seasons! I'm in Heaven!

7-Today I started the Group Medical Training section of training. It seems to be easier than the last two weeks, however, the session goes from 3:45-11:30 each night this week. That might be a little rough, even for this night owl.

A Big Win

Exactly a week ago training started in full swing, and I have pretty much had my nose in my flight manual every since then. Studying is a foreign concept to me. I was always a fairly average student in school, I never was one to spend long hours in the library reading chapters and chapters of textbooks. So this whole studying thing is not my forte, to say the least!

However, I have gone through flight attendant training, and know that there is no other way around passing the tests than studying my arse off! So with the exception of two dinners out with friends this weekend, I was in full-blown study mode! Today we had our first comprehensive test on safety procedures, and I passed with a 100%! I would have been more than happy with an 80% (the just passing mark), so I was elated when I found out I had a perfect score!

One of the things I was most dreading about going through flight attendant training again was practiceing ditching, or landing in water. One of my top 5 least favorite things in this world is swimming, bathing, being splashed, etc by cold water. Fact: In 2008 when I worked at Cascades, a summer camp in Seattle, on a lake, I was the sole counselor who did not enter the water all summer long on account of it being freaking freezing! So last Thursday was the dreaded day that my group had to jump out of a raft, fully clothed into an indoor pool that was all of about 35 degree in order to "get us used to the water in a real life situation." Whatever! Anyways, I jumped, I shivered in the water for a good five minutes, and I lived to tell about it, but am VERY glad that part is behind me!

Side note, I miss fresh, inexpensive, quality meat, fruits, and vegetables! It's all imported, and all of the produce seems to be drenched in preservatives. No good!

A little shout out to one of my very favorite people in this world, Kristen Bell! Happy Birthday my beautiful friend!!!!