My New Gig

Greetings my dear friends!

It's been two months since I pulled the plug on my former jet setting lifestyle and joined  approximately 7.6% of all Americans who also cling to the title 'unemployed.' But no one has found me complaining about my newfound title, rather, I've fully embraced it! Job fairs, endless searches in the help wanted section, and networking are all still just as foreign to me as the countries I've visited. For the past two months I've had one goal, and one goal only...to be a haver of fun!

And I have been quite successful!

Miranda Lambert/Dierks Bentley Concert

Dinner and Drinks by the Illinois River

Glow Run 5k

I've been able to truly embrace my newfound role in society mostly because I have known all along it would only be temporary. Everything in life is about moderation and balance. You can't have too many Oreos without the proper amount of milk. If you want a banana, you gotta have the Nutella. No ketchup? Hold the fries! Hopefully you smell what I'm stepping in here, but what I'm getting at is that as much as I have enjoyed my playtime, it needed to be balanced out with a little bit of work. Yep, we're talking about a J-O-B!

I really wasn't looking for a full time, 9-5, 401k loving job. I'm just not ready for that level of commitment, so flexibility was key. I personally find myself to be one of the most fun people I know, so the job had to have some entertaining element to it. Naturally, tax preparer was out. And although my birth certificate indicates that I'm 25 years old, I assure you that my maturity level is at LEAST a good 15 years behind that, so working with my peers, AKA children, would definitely be an added bonus.

Despite my impeccable hygiene and freakishly good looks....

I haven't found that special someone with whom I wish to connect the ol ball and chain to and spend the rest of my ever loving days with. However, according to those who have, when it's the right fit, you just know! Now I'm not really too sure about all that lovey dovey jargon, but when I came across my career for the next eight months, those hopeless romantics were spot on, I just knew it was the right fit!

May I present to you, Ms. Schutz, Substitute Teaching Extraordinaire!

Luckily for me, in lieu of my mom's absence, my sister and sister in law were on hand to take the obligatory first day of school photos. And like any self respecting, pinterest-erific mother would do, they topped off the photo with the sign indicating that when I grow up, I do in fact hope to become a gypsy.

So yes, approximately four days each week I am now in charge of educating the youth of America. As you might have guessed, each and every time I walk into a new classroom, whether that be one full of rambunctious kindergartens or super serious senior physics students, I run an incredibly tight ship. No ones pulling any thing over on this rent a teacher. Ahhh, who am I freaking kidding, it's a madhouse every. single. day. And I'm totally digging it!

I'm not joking, I really am loving my new gig! I'm able to work just enough to keep the bread and butter popsicles and ice cream on the table, but if I want a day or week off just because, I simply inform the school that I don't want to work. Easy peasy!

It also fits my anti 9-5 schedule, as the work day is from 8:00 AM to 3:30 PM. It's just long enough to classify as a full days work, but short enough to allow for an afternoon cat nap!

And while I would in no way say it is an easy job (mad props to full time teachers, holy moly is there more to educating than I ever dreamed of), it is very low on the stress and responsibility-o-meter. As a substitute teacher, I simply walk into the class and deliver the lesson plans the regular teacher has already set up. Then at the end of the day, I walk out of there with a full day's pay and zip zilch zero papers to grade, reports to complete, or spelling tests to check. That's a win-win if you ask me.

In order to paint the most accurate picture of what a day in Ms. Schutz's class is like, I refer you to this short clip of Jack Black's School of Rock. Sans the rock band, this is pretty spot on. However, I do play the piano....

So far, the highlights have involved:

Being assigned to co teach geometry with my former high school math teacher. The one my mom had to go have conferences with during my senior year to discuss how my behavior (using the classroom overhead projector to make shadow puppets that mocked him during lectures, talking out of turn, drawing calculators on the portion of the test that was intended for us to show our work) negatively affected the class. Nervously walking into his class, I assured myself that eight years had passed and he'd probably not even remember me. It was much to my surprise and embarrassment when he greeted me at the door with a loud and boisterous, "Well, well, well, if it isn't the prodigal math child herself." I died.

Leading an activity in which a group of first graders were given a pile of shaving cream on their desks in order to practice writing the alphabet. Several moments later, out of the corner of my eye I notice a Hispanic girl is spreading the white mixture all the way up her arms. As soon as I open my mouth, with the intent of kindly asking her to stop, she blurts out, "Look everybody, I'm a white girl!" Very hard to disciple students when I have tears rolling down my face. From laughter.

And last, but not least, the girl in the fourth grade class asking me a million and five questions concerning the solar system. The sun gives us energy. But why? Because without it we'd die. But why? Because the sun gives us life. But why. Exhausted, I finally resorted to, "Honey, how about you  ask your mommy when you get home from school."

To which she replied, "My mom dropped out of high school! She had to ask me how to spell leaf!"

Touché little fourth grader, touché.

And, an added bonus to this here job, not once have any of these passengers students yelled at me so severely that out of an act of desperation I had to run into the lavatory to gain a few moments of sanity. Only to return back to the cabin classroom, way more than a few moments and one awesome cup pyramid later. Not that any job has ever made me do that or anything. 

Mwhaha I crack myself up!

Have a great week everyone!