Marathon Número UNO

Greetings friends! Today I write to you from the land of tulips and wooden shoes! That would be The Netherlands for those of you still scratching your noggins. And as much as I'd love to inform you about all of my exciting adventures in this beautiful country, I unfortunately must report that the only wild and crazy story i have to tell from my layover in Amsterdam International Airport, is that yes, I did in fact order a Wild Blueberry muffin from Starbucks. Gasp!

According to my mom, only boring people get bored. Emotionally unstable, borderline insane, slightly narcissistic, call me what you will, but boring? Never! So with seven hours at my disposal I figured I'd be some what constructive and write a little catch up post. Today I'll be writing old school VHS style as I rewind to my very first marathon. Tales from my most recent trip to Tanzania will be coming soon. Like at some point within the next year.

I'm not exactly sure when I decided I was running the Walt Disney World Marathon, but after completing three half marathons, trying my hand...er legs at a full just seemed to be the logical next step. Perhaps using the word "logical" to describe anything related to running 26.2 miles would be slightly inaccurate. 

I began training for the marathon in September and loosely followed the Hal Higdon training plan, while using a four minute run one minute walk approach. I am not a crazy fast runner, and am more of an "it's about the journey rather than the destination" kind of girl, so I'm definitely a fan of the run/walk approach at this point in my life.

My training overall went fairly well. The biggest obstical to sticking with my schedule was the weather. Naturally, I would move back to Illinois only to be greeted by the coldest winter in a 20 year history. I did complete many long runs in below freezing temperatures, but its just not nearly as enjoyable as doing so in 60 degree weather. Luckily, I was able to escape the frozen tundra during the week following Christmas, and completed my longest training run, 20 miles, on the beautiful beaches of Fort Myers, Florida. 

After spending a mere one week back in Illinois, my fan club, AKA my friend Casey, and I flew to Orlando two days before the marathon. After a quick night's sleep, Casey, my friend Lita, who currently lives in Orlando and works for Disney, and I ventured into Magic Kingdom to spend a few hours playing in the park with one of my favorite families, The Zanolla's, who were also vacationing from Illinois. 

Casey, myself, Donald, Lita, and the Zanolla Clan

After a fun filled morning of roller coaster riding and character meeting, we were treated to an excellent lunch at one of the newest restaurants in Magic Kingdom, Be Our Guest, which is themed around the movie Beauty and The Beast. We even tried the grey stuff, yep, it was delicious! 

We said our goodbyes and headed to Disney's ESPN Wide World of Sports where the race expo was held. The face expo was very large and well organized, but because I was so anxious to return to our hotel room and get to sleep, we did not spend much time doddling there. I signed my life away, received my race bib and complimentary shirt,and away we went. 

I whole heartedly hereby promise to not sue Disney in the very likely case that I die while running. 

Once back in our hotel, Disney's Art of Animation, I took one last shot at stocking up on carbohydrates   and chowed down on a ginormous pizza. And ice cream. Carb loading, I'll miss you the most. 

At 3:00 AM my alarm sounded and with that I threw on my snazzy race day apparel, and caught a bus to the start line. I would be lying like a rug if I said I wasn't nervous, but I gave myself permission to be the tractor on the interstate, and go as slowly as I'd like. My only objective of the day was to finish. I knew I could do that. 

At around 6:00 AM Mickey Mouse led a countdown, fireworks were blasted into the sky, and my corral was released. Miles 1-3 were filled with me repeating this profound mantra in my head, "Holy #%^}, I'm running a marathon!"

Very motivational!

Before the race, Casey, Lita, and I planned out a few spots where they would meet me, one of those being in front of the castle at Magic Kingdom. The first five miles were easy, and the anticipation of seeing the duo made the miles fly by. 

Stopping To Quickly Say Hello and Bust An Awkward Move

I continued onward with the knowledge that I have already ran half marathons before. I was in familiar territory and was strong enough to keep running. Once I hit mile 13, I switched over to game on mode and inserted my earphones. At mile 19 my personal cheerleaders showed up again, and I was super stoked to see them. 

I never really faced the mental wall that so many runners speak of, but mile 22 seemed to contain the most amount of pure suckage. At that point I was hot, my feet hurt, and my watch freaked out and shut off. It was the old so close, yet so far away feeling. Regardless, I powered through and crossed the finish line in 5:04:17.

Obviously, running it sub five hours would have been awesome, but that's just not how this cookie crumbled. Next time! 

After the race I entered into a beautiful coma and remained lifeless in my glorious hotel bed for several hours. That evening we returned to Magic Kingdom where I proceeded to limp around in absolute bliss. The night ended the way every night would if I ruled the world: with ice cream, fireworks, and friends!

So there you have it, marathon number one in the books. Special thanks to the various random strangers along the course who gave me pretzels, Twizlers, and that beautiful soaking wet hand towel that I shamelessly draped over my head for an entire mile. And if just wouldn't be fair to not acknowledge the precious Vaseline on a stick that was handed to me from the medical tent at mile 19. You saved my ass, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. 

Have a good one, folks! 

Traveling To Tanzania

Hello from Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania! After completing thirty hours of travel, I can official declare that I am sleep deprived, smell like a dirty sock, and just drank a freshly squeezed mango juice that I may or may not end up regretting tomorrow. Ahhh, international travel...it's good to be back! 

My journey started out in Chicago and from there my congested nasal passages and I flew to Atlanta. After shedding a few tears from the sheer pain my well timed head cold inflicted on my ears, I said a silent prayer of forgiveness for all the suck it up, butter cup looks I'd given passengers who were crying over a little ear ache during my days of being an attentive flight attendant. My bad. 

After a short layover, I boarded my flight from Atlanta to Amsterdam, Netherlands with my newly purchased Earplanes, a fancy earplug that equalize the pressure on either side of the eardrum, in tow. The Delta flight was fairly uneventful, as I mostly just read my book, and observed the flight attendants being yelled at by various passengers for not having a specific meal on board, magically being able to create enough space for their oversized carry on, nor controlling global warming. I then sat gleefully in my seat and felt beyond thankful that I no longer wear the uniform. 

Thanks to my Earplanes, the desent into Amsterdam was way less painful. HALILUIER! My flight from Amaterdam actually stopped in Kilimanjaro first before continuing onto Dar Es Salaam, the destination where my cousin and I arranged to meet, so the boarding area for the flight was filled with tourists who intend to climb the mountain. Apparently, roughly ninety percent of the passengers on my flight had met up weeks ago and planned to wear zip off pants and their hiking boots today. I definitely didn't get the memo, and felt like such a mountain climbing poser in my yoga pants and old running shoes. 

What All The Cool Kids Were Wearing

I've done a lot of dumb stuff in my lifetime. Like the time I paid a pretty penny to travel 12 hours on a legitiment banana boat in Thailand. Or the time I went sightseeing on the back of an old dude's moterbike in Uganda. Or even last week when I left the lights on in my car, which ran the battery dead, and locked my keys in my car while it was running, all within a 12 hour period! So as you can see, common sense isn't always quite so common for me, but occasionally I use that noggin of mine for more than just a blond hair holder and come up with a really good idea. Such is the case when I booked the hotel that I am staying in tonight. 

Although my cheapskate self was very tempted to book a hotel room that cost 18 US Dollars, and grab a taxi at the airport, I decided to spend a few extra George Washington's and book a hotel that had very safe reviews, as well as their own shuttle service. When I stepped outside of the Dar Es Salaam Airport at 11:30 PM, I was very relieved to see my suit wearing driver holding up a sign with my name on it. Note to self: traveling  as a solo female in Africa is a very different experience than traveling to five star hotels, in prearranged coach buses, with the safety of 17 other airline crew members. 

The ride to my hotel was exciting and made me once again experience the high I get from discovering a new city for the first time. Women carrying large baskets on their heads. Babies toddling behind their mothers, barefoot. Groups of men carelessly, sitting along the road visiting in white plastic chairs. So different. So cool. 

View From My Hotel Room

And now that I'm safe and secure in my hotel and exaustion is in full effect, I believe it's time for this girl to hit the hay. Either that or lay awake for the next three hours watching CNN with English subtitles. Oh jetleg, you tricky little trick! 

 

Uncatagorizable Fun

Greetings friends!

I do hope you excuse the weekly postings that have not been happening on this here blog, but frankly my life has gone down about 100 points on the excit-o-meter and my writing material well has been a little dry. No need to worry, I'm alive and well!

I'm still gleefully un full time employed and enjoying the sweet gig that is substitute teaching. On the daily, I'm perplexed at the random and sometime hilarious shiznit that comes out of the kids' mouths. Like the pre pubescent middle school boy who raised his hand at the beginning of class several weeks ago and smugly asked if that was Ms. Schutz or Mrs. Schutz.

Or, the elementary girl who approached my desk  last week while froshiously scratching her scalp.

Student: Ms. Schutz may I go to the nurse, my head itches real bad.
Me: (while scooting my chair away from Long Locks Lucy faster than you can say Rid) Yes, of course!
Nosy Classmates: Why does your head itch?
Student: My mom said its a secret.

Excellent.

And although subbing does keep me busy most days, I love that the flexibility of the job allows me to freely take days off in order to enjoy my hobbies and explore other possible career paths. Like last month, when I participated in Take Your Neighbor To Work Day. Wasn't aware that day existed? Much like my birthday, I'm still pushing for its national recognition. Any day now folks, any day.

So yes, several weeks ago I was sitting around a fall bonfire, enjoying the company of family and friends, when my equally awesome (strange) as me cousin Lindsey and I began visiting with my neighbor, a mortician. We grilled him for all of his craziest funeral home stories, and perhaps need to seek professional help based on how eager we were to hear all of the gory details. We were so fascinated by his work that,  being the bashful and shy individuals Lindsey and I are, asked if we could go to work with him. It was much to our surprise when he agreed!

So that following Wednesday, the two of us slap jacks showed up bright and early in our finest black attire, ready and willing to dutifully serve as mortician interns #1 and # 2. We began our day by taking a tour of the large facility and learned about the funeral directors' role. The head funeral director, who was leading us on the tour, explained to us that it is their responsibility to take a grief stricken family, and to help them start making decisions and carry out arrangements that would be most fitting and respectful. Hearing that statement made me view the funeral director position from a completely different perspective, and admire them for the difficult situations they handle daily.

Our last stop on the tour de funeral home was the much anticipated embalming room.

Intern #1-Lindsey

 There were three corpse in the room with us, and as much as I had anticipated being beyond freaked, it was oddly peaceful. I'd take the embalming room over the New York Subway any day! We were shown the tables where the embalming process takes place, informed about the various steps of the process, and discussed the cosmetic puttys and pastes that are used to make an individual look as realistic as possible. Although Lindsey and I could have stayed in the room for another hour asking questions, we unfortunately ran out of time, as we had to hurry to our first and final official task as interns #1 and #2; assisting with a graveside service.

The funeral was for an elderly man, and because our first priority was showing our respect to the family, Linds and I mostly just observed my neighbor during the service. The real cheery on top for us was that we were thrown the keys to the  funeral home's black Caddie and instructed to drive the officiant from the cemetery back to the funeral home.  Not gonna lie, we felt like pretty big B.A. 's    during that 3/4 of a mile drive!

Intern #2-Kelsey

And as quickly as the idea for Bring Your Neighbor To Work Day popped into our numb skulls, our hard day's work was over.... by noon. Perfect! I'm not exactly sure becoming a mortician or funeral director will ever be in my career path, but I can definitely say we learned a ton and gained a new appreciation for the funeral industry. I was beyond impressed with the level of respect and professionalism the funeral home staff show to the deceased and their families. A big thanks to my neighbor for letting us do a little job shadowing. :)

Now for other news I've been dying to tell you about (pun totally intended and the world's worst segue), I've just returned from five fun filled days in Vegas where I got a little thing called a half marathon PR baby! I completed the Rock 'n Roll Las Vegas Half Marathon in 2:01:14. Obviously, I was hoping to finish under two hours, but I was still pretty stinking excited to shave four minutes off my time. Next time, sub two hours is mine!



Post Half Marathon-Pre Shower

Although the race was awesome, the real highlight of the trip was getting to spend time with so many friends from various stages of my life. Throughout all of my travels and life adventures, I've never been a big acquirer of souvenirs, but I am a huge collector of friends...mainly because I don't have to dust them. I traveled to Vegas and completed the race with my childhood friend, Evan, whom I've practically been friends with since the fifth of forever.

In Case You Can't Tell Because Of Our Identical Abs, I'm actually The One On The Right

I loved having my very own tour guides in the form of my friends and former Spirit flight attendants, Michelle and Keegan, who now live in Vegas.

Evan, Yours Truly, Michelle, and Keegan

My muy bonita friend Maria, who is also a Spirit flight attendant, now living in Dallas, flew into Vegas for one night in order to join in on the festivities. However, my friend Charlotte, who I met during my first day in Dubai, received the award for the most miles traveled in order to party in Vegas, as she had just flown into the US from the UAE that day. It was awesome to see both girls, and Charlotte completely out did herself by having her friend set us up with VIP seating, complete with free bottle service in the LAX Nightclub. Good times were had by all!

Maria, Me, and Charlotte

And now that I'm back in God's country, and the Rock and Roll Half Marathon is now just a blast in my past, I'd love to report that my only plans for the next two months involve laying on my couch in stretchy pants, giggling at Christmas movies, and stuffing my face with fudge and sugar cookies. Although I have every intention of doing just that, it will be in addition to completing some serious training, and no, not for a holiday eating competition. Instead, I had the bright idea to sign up for my very first full marathon! If all goes as planned I will be running in the Walt Disney World Marathon in January. I'm pretty stoked, mostly because it means I get to go to Disney AKA my happy place.

Ma, Pa, and Their Favorite Child On Main Street USA- Ahhhhh

And once I complete those measly 26.2 miles, I'll move onto my next feat; conquering Kilimanjaro, and I'm not talking about the one in Animal Kingdom. Been there. Rode that.

Just one week after the marathon, I'll be trading in my running shoes for a pair of hiking boots, as I travel to Tanzania and attempt to climb the world's tallest free standing mountain, Mount Kilimanjaro.

Of course, I will be climbing to the highest point in Africa for charity...just kidding. This little trek is really just to get my buns rock hard and bikini ready for a week of beach laying in Zanzibar. Don't judge me.

And now, for those of you who are in need of a little inspiration to go for a run, bike those few extra miles, or polish off that last row of Girl Scout Cookies...

"The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!" -Marvin Phillips

Have a great week everyone!

My New Gig

Greetings my dear friends!

It's been two months since I pulled the plug on my former jet setting lifestyle and joined  approximately 7.6% of all Americans who also cling to the title 'unemployed.' But no one has found me complaining about my newfound title, rather, I've fully embraced it! Job fairs, endless searches in the help wanted section, and networking are all still just as foreign to me as the countries I've visited. For the past two months I've had one goal, and one goal only...to be a haver of fun!

And I have been quite successful!

Miranda Lambert/Dierks Bentley Concert

Dinner and Drinks by the Illinois River

Glow Run 5k

I've been able to truly embrace my newfound role in society mostly because I have known all along it would only be temporary. Everything in life is about moderation and balance. You can't have too many Oreos without the proper amount of milk. If you want a banana, you gotta have the Nutella. No ketchup? Hold the fries! Hopefully you smell what I'm stepping in here, but what I'm getting at is that as much as I have enjoyed my playtime, it needed to be balanced out with a little bit of work. Yep, we're talking about a J-O-B!

I really wasn't looking for a full time, 9-5, 401k loving job. I'm just not ready for that level of commitment, so flexibility was key. I personally find myself to be one of the most fun people I know, so the job had to have some entertaining element to it. Naturally, tax preparer was out. And although my birth certificate indicates that I'm 25 years old, I assure you that my maturity level is at LEAST a good 15 years behind that, so working with my peers, AKA children, would definitely be an added bonus.

Despite my impeccable hygiene and freakishly good looks....

I haven't found that special someone with whom I wish to connect the ol ball and chain to and spend the rest of my ever loving days with. However, according to those who have, when it's the right fit, you just know! Now I'm not really too sure about all that lovey dovey jargon, but when I came across my career for the next eight months, those hopeless romantics were spot on, I just knew it was the right fit!

May I present to you, Ms. Schutz, Substitute Teaching Extraordinaire!

Luckily for me, in lieu of my mom's absence, my sister and sister in law were on hand to take the obligatory first day of school photos. And like any self respecting, pinterest-erific mother would do, they topped off the photo with the sign indicating that when I grow up, I do in fact hope to become a gypsy.

So yes, approximately four days each week I am now in charge of educating the youth of America. As you might have guessed, each and every time I walk into a new classroom, whether that be one full of rambunctious kindergartens or super serious senior physics students, I run an incredibly tight ship. No ones pulling any thing over on this rent a teacher. Ahhh, who am I freaking kidding, it's a madhouse every. single. day. And I'm totally digging it!

I'm not joking, I really am loving my new gig! I'm able to work just enough to keep the bread and butter popsicles and ice cream on the table, but if I want a day or week off just because, I simply inform the school that I don't want to work. Easy peasy!

It also fits my anti 9-5 schedule, as the work day is from 8:00 AM to 3:30 PM. It's just long enough to classify as a full days work, but short enough to allow for an afternoon cat nap!

And while I would in no way say it is an easy job (mad props to full time teachers, holy moly is there more to educating than I ever dreamed of), it is very low on the stress and responsibility-o-meter. As a substitute teacher, I simply walk into the class and deliver the lesson plans the regular teacher has already set up. Then at the end of the day, I walk out of there with a full day's pay and zip zilch zero papers to grade, reports to complete, or spelling tests to check. That's a win-win if you ask me.

In order to paint the most accurate picture of what a day in Ms. Schutz's class is like, I refer you to this short clip of Jack Black's School of Rock. Sans the rock band, this is pretty spot on. However, I do play the piano....

So far, the highlights have involved:

Being assigned to co teach geometry with my former high school math teacher. The one my mom had to go have conferences with during my senior year to discuss how my behavior (using the classroom overhead projector to make shadow puppets that mocked him during lectures, talking out of turn, drawing calculators on the portion of the test that was intended for us to show our work) negatively affected the class. Nervously walking into his class, I assured myself that eight years had passed and he'd probably not even remember me. It was much to my surprise and embarrassment when he greeted me at the door with a loud and boisterous, "Well, well, well, if it isn't the prodigal math child herself." I died.

Leading an activity in which a group of first graders were given a pile of shaving cream on their desks in order to practice writing the alphabet. Several moments later, out of the corner of my eye I notice a Hispanic girl is spreading the white mixture all the way up her arms. As soon as I open my mouth, with the intent of kindly asking her to stop, she blurts out, "Look everybody, I'm a white girl!" Very hard to disciple students when I have tears rolling down my face. From laughter.

And last, but not least, the girl in the fourth grade class asking me a million and five questions concerning the solar system. The sun gives us energy. But why? Because without it we'd die. But why? Because the sun gives us life. But why. Exhausted, I finally resorted to, "Honey, how about you  ask your mommy when you get home from school."

To which she replied, "My mom dropped out of high school! She had to ask me how to spell leaf!"

Touché little fourth grader, touché.

And, an added bonus to this here job, not once have any of these passengers students yelled at me so severely that out of an act of desperation I had to run into the lavatory to gain a few moments of sanity. Only to return back to the cabin classroom, way more than a few moments and one awesome cup pyramid later. Not that any job has ever made me do that or anything. 

Mwhaha I crack myself up!

Have a great week everyone!























 

Empty Nesters Gaining Birds

Empty Nesters Gaining Birds.

This was the title of a research paper I had written while in college that I recently found while sorting through the excessive mounds of Kelsey Schutz memorabilia that the president of my fan club had been so diligently collecting since before my birth. I am discovering that my mother not only kept nearly every single school assignment her children ever completed, but also newspapers from the day each of her four children were born, calendars detailing her pregnancies, including which days we had hiccups and which days she felt us move, and even clippings from our first, second, and fifteenth hair cuts! My favorite find from yesterday was a letter to Santa from my ornery older brother Brock, circa 1994.....

"Dear Santa, I'm sorry I've been such a brat this year. I just really haven't been feeling very well...."

I don't recall the kid being sick a day in his life.

Anyways, I had written this particular research paper that explored the recent phenomenon of 20 somethings moving back home to live with their parents for a Human Behavior class as a mere 20 year old in 2008. I was not particularly passionate about the declining economy, nor the lack of available jobs in the United State at that time, but rather, I had scoped out my competition. I knew the majority of my classmates had the topics of abortion, gun control, and legalizing marijuana covered. I sat down to write the paper, that I had procrastinated on for months, a mere 12 hours before it was due. Knowing the paper was going to be glaringly half assed, I typed the entire thing with my fingers crossed, hoping that my professor would at least throw me a few originality points and I'd perhaps squeak by with a C. It worked.

But as I flipped through the college paper, the irony of the situation was not lost on me. When I wrote this paper, I had no idea what my future held, but I knew it most certainly didn't involve rejoining the coup I had just flown. Much less, the coup that had been revamped into my dad's very own bachelor pad! No Sir-E. I was going to move far, far away and never look back. Kelly Clarkson's song Miss Independent? Ya, she wrote that about me!

My 20 year old self even had the nerve to write a closing paragraph that offered a little personal reflection on the matter.

"While many young adults feel that moving back into their parents' home is their only option, I personally find this unhealthy for both the parents and the adult child. This living arrangement stunts the appropriate life stages that should be taking place for all parties involved."

Maybe I've been unemployed and watching way too many stupid movies lately, but my current feelings towards my outspoken, know it all, Ms. World is Your Oyster, 20 year old self is best personified by Jim Carey when his dual personalities Hank and Charlie duke it out in Me, Myself, and Irene. Sans the slapping myself across the face, I want to scream at 20 year old Kelsey with big crocodile sized tears streaming down my face, "You don't know what it's like out there! It's so hard on your own! It's scary! The world is scary! Run home to your mommy, little girl, while you still have one. Run!"

Ok, perhaps I'm being a bit dramatic here, I know that 's hard to believe, but it was amusing to find this paper considering my current living situation. I will give 20 year old Kelsey some credit, moving back home after being gone for seven years isn't exactly ideal, and it has definitely been accompanied with some major adjustments for my roomie and I.

I've had to learn to not park my car directly behind the garage door, which in turn traps my dad's vehicle inside the garage. My bad. He's working on overcoming his frat boy ways of dish washing. Who needs Dawn when you have tap water to clean your plates? I yi yi.

Another little piece to the transition puzzle is that my dad now has a lady friend. I actually met her while I was home on leave in February, she's absolutely lovely, and it's really nice to see my dad smiling again. But let's be real for a minute, meeting your father's new girlfriend, after seeing your parents happily married for 35 plus years, is going to be awkward, no matter how you cut the cookie. I knew meeting my dad's new girlfriend was going to be about a 75 on the awkward scale. So what do most people....ok what do I do in uncomfortable situations? That's right, crank it up a few more notches!

The entire week before the meeting, I had been bumming around the house in my typical lounging attire; unwashed hair tied on top my head, tie dyed sweatpants, fuzzy house slippers, and God Made Cops So Firemen Could Have Hero's t-shirt. My dad made the mistake of making the slight suggestion that I shower and look a little bit more presentable for our weekly family pizza night where I'd be meeting his new friend.

Being the good, obeying daughter I am, I adhered to his requests. That evening I showered, put on a little makeup, straightened my hair, and searched my closet high and low for the nicest outfit I owned. My father was beaming (that's the correct word to use when someone is hanging his head, and shaking it back and forth disapprovingly, right?) when he saw me walk down our staircase into our living room wearing my 2006 prom dress, topped off with my Western Illinois University homecoming royalty sash! I looked good!

Please Note: Tie Dyed Sweats 11:00

Despite my antics, she's decided to stick around, and I'm really glad my dad has someone he enjoys spending time with and dating. For those of you who are keeping track, my dad has gone on more dates this year than I have. So that's always fun.

Now that we've gotten all the things I haven't been doing out of the way, let talk about what I have been doing. We shall title this segment of the blog, Things I Couldn't Do In Dubai!

Attend an Amish funeral! We have family friends who are Amish, and it was unfortunate that they lost a family member, but it was a culturally enriching experience. My very first one of it's kind!

Amish Buggy, Straight Ahead

 Boating on the Illinois River with my Brudder Brock and friend Allison!

Fishing on Schutz Farm's Pond/modeling for Blue Moon. Keeping it classy, as always!

Sell Rib eyes for the Illinois Beef Association at the Illinois State Fair.

And last, but not least, wear shorty shorts and cowgirl boots to country concerts with my friends!

So as you can see, retirement is treating me quite well! If you hear of any available jobs, or companies hiring, please keep it to yourself as I am actively not looking for work! In all seriousness, there really is no place like home! I'm sure one day I'll eventually leave the nest, but as for now, I'm one happy bird!

 

Home Sweet Home...Three Winters Ago

"A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of a far away place. A traveler on the plane sees the farmhouse and thinks of home." -Carl Burns























 

She Gone: A Brief Explanation As To Why Emirates and I Broke UP

Greetings friends! Welcome to what may be the last semi exciting post to ever be published on Schutz and Scores, unless reading tales of my my dad and I watching nightly King of Queens reruns is your thing, in which case, enjoy! Yes, I write to you today, no longer as a jet setting Emirates Airline flight attendant, but rather as an unemployed, empty nest crashing, 25 year old bum!

Let me rewind before I kick my pity party into full gear.

July 15th I packed two large suitcases and flew from Dubai to New York for my 10 days of leave, just like I had done many other times. Those first ten glorious days were filled with food, family, friends, and fun!

One of the highlights of my trip was attending a reunion for a special needs camp that I used to volunteer with in high school.

I also spent a weekend in Chicago with my friend/personal cheerleader, Evan, for the Chicago Rock and Roll Half Marathon. The course was hillier and the temperatures were hotter than I anticipated, but I did finish upright. Success.

2:09...Your supposed to Get Slower Each Race, Right?

On July 25th, what was to be my last night in Illinois, I went out for a night of dining and wine tasting with my friend Kristen. We topped off our evening with a late night two mile run, which was pretty impressive, considering the amount of wine we had consumed. We parted ways that night with a "see ya later" instead of the usual sappy goodbye, as she planned to be landing in Dubai in just 10 short days for her first overseas visit.

Kristen and I At A Winery In Grafton, Illinois

The next morning my dad drove me to Lambert International Airport in St. Louis, and two hours later I landed safely into JFK. With a twelve hour layover ahead of me, I boarded a train and headed towards Manhattan with the intent of visiting the 9/11 Memorial...and consuming a larger than my head New York Style hot dog. Don't judge me.

Just as I was about to step foot on the train, my dad called me and shared some sobering news. Kristen's dad, David, had been in a farming accident, and his injuries were quite severe. Not quite sure what to do with this information, I found a quiet corner in the train station and alternated between making phone calls and praying.

Unfortunately, minutes later my dad called me back with a simple message, "He didn't make it."

There really was no decision to be made. When my mom suddenly passed away, my friends carried me through that first week. Now it was my turn to be there for my friend. I booked a return to ticket to Illinois and came home.

Understandably, Emirates has a firm policy that unless an immediate family member dies, they will not approve a leave of absence due to death. Regardless, I politely communicated with my manager that I would not be returning to Dubai until after the funeral services.

Throughout my week at home, I actively searched different flight options, but nearly all of Emirates flights departing the US were completely overbooked. On Friday, I finally figured out a semi promising path back to Dubai. Unfortunately, due to there being a large number of other standby passengers also listed for flights, seven hours and two frapachinos later, I departed Lambert Airport...as a passenger in my dad's car.

By this point I was receiving daily emails from my manager, demanding that I return to Dubai immediately. During this time the website that allows me to purchase domestic tickets wasn't functioning properly, causing me even more problem with booking a return flight.

As if Murphy's Law wasn't in full enough bloom, another little wrench was thrown into my plans. Apparently, the U.S. government intercepted a terrorist plot by those pesky little al Qaeda members. Unless you've been living in cave, in which case you might be a member of al Qaeda, I'm sure you've heard about this issue, but just in case, feel free to read all about it here and here.

After living overseas for a year and a half, I'm aware that the American media has a tendency to over exaggerate issues, especially those concerning the middle east. However, the US government shutting down 21 U.S. Embassies and consulates across the middle east, two of those being in my very own United Arab Emirates, was quite alarming.

According to the U.S. Department of State, "The US government has established a worldwide travel alert due to the potential for terrorist attacks, particularly in the Middle East and North Africa, and possibly occurring in or emanating from the Arabian Peninsula."

Courtesy of Google Image

Middle East? Live there. Arabian Peninsula? Live RIGHT there. North Africa? Two flights scheduled there for next week.

On Sunday morning at 2:00 AM, I finally made contact via the phone with my manager. I completely respect my manager's need to do her job and enforce company policy. However, as she informed me I either needed to be on a plane back to Dubai that day or turn in my resignation within the next two hours, I knew I had a tough decision to make.

As I sat in my family's living room and tried to figure out what the right decision was, I began to wonder if perhaps all of my failed attempts at returning to Dubai was a sign that I wasn't meant to go back. I was reminded of another time that I was dealing with a similar situation.

When I was in the fourth and fifth grade, I was struggling with a very difficult issue in my life. This issue caused me lots of angst and sleepless nights. Was or was not Santa Claus real?

I wanted to get to the bottom of this badly, and even went as far as running handwriting samples; comparing my mom's to that of Santa's notes from years past. I asked my mom repeatedly if he was real. Without fail she would reply, "What do you believe in your heart?"

Depending upon the week I'd reply, "Oh, he's definitely real," or "He can't be! There's just no way he could really eat all those cookies and visit all those houses."

To both responses she'd always smile, nod her head, and say, "OK."

She died without ever really giving me a solid answer. So the jury is still out, folks!

As an adult, she and I talked about her approach to my nagging Santa Claus question. I was intrigued as to why she never actually just gave me a blatant answer. Being the wise ass owl that she was, she told me that would have been too easy, I wouldn't have learned anything. She told me that in life, there are not always right or wrong, black or white, firm answer. Sometimes you just have to pray, look at the facts, and make a decision based on what you believe in your heart.

Within the hour I respectfully submitted my resignation to Emirates Airline, thanking them for the opportunity to represent an iconic brand and to achieve my dream of traveling the world.

Although I was planning to resign this fall, this wasn't quite the way I pictured it happening. I wanted to have a great last flight to an amazingly exotic location, return to Dubai for one last hooraa with my friends. And naturally, they'd get me a going away cake. I wanted the cake, damn it!

Although  I believe this was the best decision for me at this time, I will continue to acknowledge my experience with Emirates Airline as a positive one...that is until my Emirates/Dubai tell all book comes out. Kidding. Kind of.

Sure, it wasn't always perfect. There were hard times, times I wanted to quit. Times I missed my friends and family. Times I had diarrhea from eating too much street food. Oh, was that too much information? But thinking of my time with Emirates makes me smile, and I'd do it all over again in a heart beat.

The places I've visited  in the past year and a half were amazing, but the people I've met were even more beautiful. I don't even want to go into detail about how much I will miss my friends because it will make me cry and totally blow that whole rumor that I'm dead inside. Just rest assured that love, kindness, and generosity exist far beyond the borders of the good ol USA. I'm so thankful to know people who radiant these virtues all around the globe, and am so honored to call them my friends.

First Desert Safari With Charlene (Northern Ireland) and Charlotte (U.K.)

Drinking Buckets in Thailand With Dom (Australia), Sarah (Ireland) , and Paula (Scotland) 

Watching The Euro Cup With Natacha (France) and Tammy (Brazil)

Maggie, Sara, and I at Jebal Hafeet ('Merica)

Brunch With Victoria-My Spirit Turned Emirates Co-Worker

Rajeev (Australia) and I on The Beaches of Dubai

You may be wondering what's next, and that's a great question, as it's one that I'm asking as well. I've got a few tools in my toolbox, and like a cat, I'm hoping I'll eventually land on my feet. I usually do.

If anything more exciting than me mowing the yard happens in the next month, I'll be sure to fill ya in. Thanks for joining me on my Emirates adventure, and yes, I do get to keep the hat. :)

“Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”
- Steven Rogers, Hope Floats




















 

English Roadtrip

Before I tell you all the juicy details of this week's trip, I'd just like to take a moment to acknowledge the fact that life in the aviation industry is absolutely ridiculous. I regularly go to bed at 4:00 AM, noon, and 9:00 PM. It is completely normal for my friends and I to meet for dinner at 10:30 PM, and go to the theatre to watch movies that start at 2 AM. I frequently work turn around flights, only to return home and have no clue what country I was just in. So in an attempt to make the events of the past several days seem semi normal, I'll try to apply it to a regular human being situation.

Have you ever had a day off from work, and thought, "My friend Fill N. Theblank is working today. It'd be really nice to go meet him for a catch up during his lunch break."

So you jump in your car, head down to Fill's place of work, and enjoy spending one glorious hour together; talking, laughing, eating, and overall, just being the buddy ol pals that you are?

Well that's basically what I did this week. Except Fill was my friend Rajeev, his place of work is on an Airbus 380, and his lunch break just so happened to be in London!

So, like any normal person with three days off would do, I booked a discounted ticket on the flight he was working and enjoyed 24 hours with one of my best good friends!

Now that we've gotten the whole why it's normal for me to fly to London for 24 hours just to hang out with my friend out of the way, here's a few of the highlights from our trip!

We arrived in London at around 8 PM, and since Rajeev had just worked a seven hour flight, and I had the extreme pleasure of  sitting next to the most annoying three year old known to man kind during said flight, we were both fairly tired and decided to have a low key night. We walked to a nearby pub, and drank their house red wine in their outdoor garden. From here on out, that shall forever be my happy place!

Both of us have been to London several times, and although we like selfies next to the Big Ben just as much as the next guy, we wanted to do something a little off the beaten path. The next morning we woke up bright and early, ate a delicious breakfast, and embarked on operation road trip!

Rajeev, being the born and raised Aussie that he is, is a pro at the whole driving on the left hand side of the road game. I, on the other hand, am a little thing called an amateur. Since this is pretty much my life mantra....

Props to my friend Evan for seeing this and thinking of me =)

I accepted the challenge and agreed to do some of the driving for the day. A chip chip cherio and we were on our way!

Much like life, our trip really was more about the journey than the destination. Regardless, we plugged Stonehenge into the ol navigation system, blared some T. Swift through the speakers, and just like that, we were officially on a road trip!

Perhaps I've just become a little too accustomed to sand, sand, and more sand, but the scenery in the English countryside was absolutely gorgeous. We drove by massive lavender fields, rolling hills covered in wild grass, and tons of fields with cattle grazing. I was in farm girl heaven!

GREEN



Because every good road trip needs snacks, we luckily spotted a fresh fruit stand along the road, and filled up. Fresh fruit, another item for the Shtuff They Don't Have In The Desert list!

After nearly two hours on the road, we finally reached our destination, Stonehenge. If you're seriously interested in the history of Stonehenge, then I highly recommend listening to the entire audio guide that is given to all visitors at the entrance to this historic sight. However, if you're ok with just knowing that the stone formation is crazy old, then I also highly recommend wearing the audio guide around your neck, for decorative purposes only, and taking fun pictures next to the rocks!

Be The Rock

 

Needless to say, it was a monumental experience!

Obviously, holding boulders left me pretty hungry, so we decided to search for the nearest English pub. In order to do that, we needed to drive. It was my turn to drive. Pure panic!

Not only is driving on the left hand side of the road tricky, but getting used to the steering column being on the right side of the car is no easy task, either. I also noticed that the rearview mirror situation threw me off big time, as it's obviously tilted at a different angle. After 10 terrifying minutes of me driving, we came to a small town that looked promising in the Fish n Chips department, alas my driving turn was complete! Despite the line of traffic backed up on the two lane highway due to my extra cautious driving, and a few curb checks, I'm going to chalk the experience up to a success. One that I am happy to have checked off the ol bucket list, and am completely ok with never doing again!

Just as I had hoped, the cute little town, had a cute little fish n chip shop. We enjoyed lunch with a side of Pims and Strongbow in the restaurant's outdoor dining area. Because I'm a dainty lady, the frilly cocktail was totally mine. I wouldn't dare order a manly man's cider and proceed to belch like a sailor throughout the remained of the road trip. No siree, Bob. I'm also a size 0, can sing like an angel, and don't have knock knees....

After lunch we walked around the town and window shopped, bought some more fresh fruit, and worked on perfecting out British accents. Trust me when I say, mine is getting REALLY good!

Our road trip continued on as Raj drove an hour more to a small seaside town called Southampton. Because we were short on time, we didn't get to explore the entire town, but we did get to eat ice cream cones on a pier, which totally makes up for any missed educational opportunities.

And as quickly as our trip came about, it came to a close. Rajeev worked the flight back to Dubai from London Heathow Airport, and due to that flight being completely booked, I caught a flight from London Gatwick Airport and arrived safely into Dubai yesterday morning. I retired to my own bed for a grand total of six hours before waking up, slapping on some clown make up, and reporting for duty, where I worked a roundtrip flight to Bangalore, India and back!

And as of right this moment I am off work for 12, Twelve, TWELVE glorious days! And what shall I do with those 12 days off you may be wondering? Well, I've been receiving harassing messages from this little lady, demanding that I do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, and report straight home! As a result of it being humanly impossible to not adhere to her requests, to Illinois I go!

"Country road, take me home, to the place I belooooooonnng...."